Prevention too difficult than Suffering!? Counter this…

                A pressing and equally depressing thought has surrounded me for two weeks now… Why are we like this?

What I’m talking about is a vast pool of things with many thoughts interlinked. I’ll try to keep it short and sweet.

I realized I have a big role to play in the society – starting with kids who are left astray to beg on roads to dowry system (eradicating which I believe should begin with me) to corruption to the current topic – Tests for deadly diseases like HIV and genetic irregularities before marriage.

                I’m from a simple family living to meet their own ends and my cousins following suit with life and marriage. I’m sure my mother wonders how did I grow into this girl, who asked so many questions and kind of rebellious in her own ways of understanding and demanding specific things.

                For me marriage is never the ultimate thing. I never gave it a thought until I had to. But when I started, I tried to make a list of things I want to stick to. More than educational qualification, physical attributes, I strongly wanted to hang on to things I considered very important for a marriage to survive.

First I started off with what I vehemently want to do –

1.       No dowry
2.       Attend family counseling
3.       Simple wedding
4.       Adopt a child
5.       Government guided pre-marital tests should be done
and conveyed these to my mother and brother.

My mother simply told me that these things will never work in an arranged marriage scenario. And asked why do I not think like a normal middle class girl?

And I say,

a)      I’m educated, graduated from a premier institute with a B.E. Degree. Earning a little less than 50k per month with 1.9 years of professional experience. If I were a guy with these things on my bio data, they would offer me, in my community in Andhra Pradesh, a whooping sum of more than 50 lakhs! And since I’m a girl, to get an equal guy, should in turn “gift” this much!! Else settle for someone we can “afford”. My mother is contemplating to take a voluntary retirement so that she could get me married with the amount she would get through that. That money should take care of her! It is her hard earned money. How will I allow her to spend it on me and be left with nothing? Never will. Let me get married to someone who sees me for my potential and personality and not a some money bag I would gift at wedding (which definitely I can't also)

b)      Marriage, especially arranged, could be scary. You do not know the person, family, what to expect, etc. Family counseling helps you anticipate situations and provide a boost to handle them. It is always better to have a heads up about a new thing than directly plunge into something that you would stay in for the rest of your life…

c)       Too much money and food wasted. It is a good way to get people together, but we could always hold small gatherings and celebrate including the less fortunate ones as well. Do consider.

d)      This has always been on my mind. Bring a child home, love him/her and he/she will be your baby. What part of motherhood do you lose? 9 months? Whose blood do they have to carry? All we want our children to be is happy, playful, mischievous, productive and find their own purpose in life.

e)      Agreed government is not very effective these days. We don’t give a damn who rule us anymore. They are all the same we say. But government recommended pre-marital tests… are definitely for us! http://www.apollolife.com/HealthyLiving/Relationships/HealthcheckbeforeMarriage.aspx to name a few and are widely needed. If I ask a guy to get a HIV test done, it does not mean that I suspect he is s**ually outrageous as most people especially in India think. Instead, people should realize that some unfortunate things could occur when you go for a blood test or blood donation or had a blood transfusion.

We never know who can be hit by what and when.

Undergoing these tests would help us identify any abnormalities, treat them and have a healthy life going forward.
 Families might call off matches. But I would never do it. I would always be glad the person has obliged to this request and take up a life with the person to help him get better and healthy.

As for me, if I have any abnormality, I’ll make sure it is communicated to the groom.

               The article that has helped me emphasise the necessity for such tests was on Thalassemia (extremely sorry the article is in Telugu to take its reference) – a genetically transmitted disease which results in non-production of active Haemoglobin. Parents could be carriers with one working copy. But the chance that a baby born to a couple, in which both are carriers, can get affected is alarmingly high. For more details: http://www.telegraphindia.com/1120210/jsp/saltlake/story_15114909.jsp#.UZtjyLXDDzw

The article describes the plight of the affected ones. Since they can’t produce Hb, they will need frequent blood transfusions which are expensive, painful and quite dangerous with so many infections around. Transfusions as frequently as 15 days are definitely torturous.

Consider giving birth to such a child who has to undergo all this hassle and fight to live and we too suffer watching them.

Isn’t it better to know to avoid such situations through screening? What if you can’t give birth to a child? Aren’t there so many homeless children who are craving for a caring hand and a loving heart? Is it some sacrifice to share our home, joys and part of our lives by adopting a child? No, the child will bring you happiness and satisfaction. And… you will be blessed.

And I’m proud that I can talk all this to my mother and she agrees, only at the end of which she helplessly says,”Is this all possible? I really hope you find someone who understands what you think and why you think.” 

This is enough… she doesn’t find anything wrong or bad about this… Thanks Mom! 

 

P.S: I would really like it if you leave some comments. I want to know what our generation thinks... If there is any hope that this could happen at all... Thanks in Advance!