Being a Girl... (In India and probably everywhere)

I was having this conversation with my brother yesterday about relationships and drifted to the topic of abuse and s**ual assault.

            In the light of events that have shaken our country over the past few months and went a long way in accusing India as an unsafe place for women, I can’t help but write about my own experiences which came flooding back to me after yesterday.

            S*xual abuse could begin as a child… One needn’t be a woman or even a teenage girl for that matter.

My first such experience came when I was as little as 6 years old, through a trusted friend’s brother of my father.

While my horror was obvious when he tried to plant a rough kiss on my lips and part them, I kept running away from him all the time ever since. I have never seen him in the eye ever again.

My other one happened roughly at the same time, though I wasn’t really aware until I had enough understanding of human (read male) anatomy. Yes, apparently I was made to hold the penis of my dad’s friend during the nights when my brother and I stayed over at their place. It is not bad, when one has no clue about what is happening ;)

Then these events took some time off until I was 13, at which time I was getting emotional support, direction and understanding of life from a family friend 9 years elder, until he took to kissing and caressing (for almost 8 months) and me being mum over it for the fear of losing guidance at the time when I was a total insecure child.

This was followed by a late teenage guy actually stopping me with a piece of paper asking for directions in one hand while pointing to his penis (his pant fly was open) in the middle of the road with the other.

On an other occasion one winter morning at 5:30 am as I was rushing for my 6am class at my IIT Coaching Academy, sensed some person in his 30’s following and murmuring something. Next day he advanced to hold me by my right hand pulling it close to his manhood when I slapped him with my left and ran like hell.

I was kind of scared and had to take my mother along the next day without telling her what happened. Sigh!

Almost three years ago I was at a relatives place. My uncle (the host) was having drinks with two other people of the extended family. I went to sleep with my little cousin in another bedroom after which I felt someone touch my feet.
I woke up startled to find one of the extended family member coming towards me. I got up, wrestled with him when he held me strongly to turn me around and ran to my aunt who was in the kitchen. I had a sleepness night full of fear that he would come again with everyone sleeping, the door left open (as the usual practice) and I could see him pacing the hall all night.
Worse came next day when he without a hint of shame called me up and started a casual talk. I went ahead to tell my brother about this and he never dared to look at me ever again.
 

I had guys rubbing their hard reproductory-cum-urinary assets in buses when I gave menacing looks and warnings to expose them which actually worked!

And the more recent, on a 6 hour train journey when the above mentioned warning didn’t work with my co passenger trying to touch me, for the first time ever… I felt so weak and vulnerable. I still can’t fathom why he didn’t stop with me saying I would tell the others and why I didn’t do it after all. That is a real shame L

So now my brother tells me, I should remember these guys and track them down and cut out their manhood. I never contemplated anything like that ever. I’m not a violent person to say the least. I take pride in not letting these experiences affect me or take the blame on me but actually stand up against or bury them.

But harm them in turn… never occurred and now that thought seems weird.

An eye for an eye leaves the world blind. So true!

I believe no one is born ‘bad’. But how people act this way, cruel and inhumane, is something I can’t find the source of.

It has something to do with surroundings, their experiences, childhood and all. It frustrates me to not know what causes such behaviour and worse, they feel they can get away with all this. Perverts :-/

Edit 1: S**ual abuse happens to boys too. I'm not really sure about men..but boys yes.. and horror stories of them exist... I have heard them first hand... :(